If you're squeamish, come back in a couple of days, or quickly slide down the page to see my top show pictures!

First of all, how weird is that thing in the picture when you figure it goes inside your chest and heart!

Second, how weird is it that I need one? And how weird is it that I've needed one since I was around 10 years old? Why, you might ask, are you getting one now at age 63 if you've done fine for 53 years without one? Well, passing out (syncope) wasn't too bad when I was a kid, and even into my early 20's and 30's, but over time, I've found these syncope spells harder to recover from. After my first "spell", I was back outside playing in about 15 minutes! My most recent bout had me miserable for a couple of weeks, especially when layered on top of the kidney stone symptoms! After years of trying to figure out why I would just feel weird for a while, followed by "fainting", I recently had a heart monitor attached for 24 hours during that kidney stone deal! It turns out my heart just stops beating for a few seconds once in a while. Stopping for a few seconds creates the above mentioned "weird" feeling - quite unpleasant actually. Stopping a bit longer makes me feel like I'm dying - the whole world slowly goes black, and so far I wake up a little while later feeling like something big just hit me --- like the floor? I usually sit there or lie there sort of cursing the bad feeling, and reminding myself that up until now I've always woken up afterwards!

Why haven't any of my doctors figured this out before now? First, there are no symptoms when it isn't happening. And, until recently, I never had a doctor around when this was happening. Actually, not quite true! My heart stops for a while when I have a colonoscopy, but they just panic, inject something, and I wake up and go on. I only learned of this during a recent colonoscopy when I overheard the doctor telling the nurse to prepare the injection in advance this time ..... "this guy has syncope". Anyway, with the 24 hour heart monitor on during my kidney stone incident, the doctors now know what happens, and the "cure" is a pacemaker. It will constantly check to make sure my heart is beating on schedule, and if the schedule changes, the pacemaker will send out the necessary signals until my own system starts up again. Kind of reassuring!

Still weird! But the next time this happens, I won't even know it.

Another constant reminder of the fragility of life. I now have three conditions that even if "cured" I have to be constantly monitored, and thus constantly reminded, for the rest of my natural days! Regular visits to the oncology folks, with PSA checks to see if the cancer is back ..... regular blood tests to see how my thryoid condition is doing (maybe I can get them coordinated and have them use the same blood sample each time??? - seems like that would help a bit with the nation's health care costs?) .... and soon - monthly checks of the pacemaker - is it still working right, how's the battery charge, are the wires into the heart still in good shape, etc. And every few years, a bit of surgery to replace the batteries! They tell me that in a few years, they will be rechargeable without cutting me open!

And if one more person tells me how common pacemakers are these days, and how safe they are these days, etc..... I'll scream! And, don't send me any messages about cell phones, i-pods, airport screening, those machines that whine if you walk out of the store with stolen stuff, etc. Microwaves are not a problem anymore, but I will have to give up my weekend job as a lineman for the electric company!

Oh --- final note ---- the surgeon won't replace my hip until I get the pacemaker ;-)